The New Moon for me is a special time of witchery. It’s a great time to set my intentions for the coming month and I always have this habit of wanting to be an overachiever. I hold myself to a higher standard because I have these goals within the many facets or layers of my life. It’s not quite a diamond or an onion to be honest, but the Universe came for tea about all of these intentions and transformed me indefinitely.
New Moon Rituals
The New Moon is a great time for beginnings and intention setting. This usually begins with a blank sheet of paper, 2 or 3 days before the New Moon, and ends with a goal for each of the self-imposed divisions: I have a mundane work goal, I have a personal relationship goal with my partner, I have a solitary witch/spiritual goal, a RAW goal, an educational goal, and a goal for collaborative efforts within my coven. All the goals. All the time. Even if they are small goals, it’s still a goal or an intention that is seemingly a separate segment or section. I look for key themes across all of the sections as a way to somehow bring it all together and make it fit into a small, precise, overall intention of 9 words or less. Then I begin building a layered spell to use in conjunction with the energy of the new moon. I look for one or two herbs to reinforce the energy I’m creating (asking for their energetic help), a stone, a tarot or an oracle card (let’s face it, I’ve probably got both), and something I can transfer the energy of the spell to, something that I can burn to send the energy to the Universe so I can work towards it while she aligns it for me and allows it to fall into place. Except this time, I couldn’t make it fit and it seemed like she had other plans for me.
I spent two days frantically trying to make all of my goals fit into an intention, but they were so separated! I would think I was getting somewhere with it and then it would just overwhelm me with the difficulty of trying to bring those separate pieces together. I’m sure now that the Universe was sipping tea by herself, laughing or maybe even rolling her eyes, at how much effort I was putting into this when she was trying to hand me a key or grant me wisdom in that moment. I decided to stop. I began to scroll back through some of my social media and the coven’s network. Twice someone had mentioned a musical artist and I hadn’t gone to check the artist out yet. I made some tea and sat down to listen.
Separateness Is an Illusion
I really enjoy music and I have found some of my deepest healing in the vibrations and lyrics of many different artists. I’ve found comfort in others’ ability to put my emotions into words, strength in a kick drum, and energy in guitar riffs. This song though, this song took me to a different place. The melancholic chords brought immediate calm and while I wasn’t sure of the exact lyrics, the message was clear. For the last week, the Universe had pointed me in the direction of this artist through others. To bring me the message that all is not divided. There may be parts that grab my focus, but just like music, it all comes together to create a beautiful wholeness that I call a song. This revelation, this key, unlocked the door for my New Moon witchery. What song of my life as a whole am I going to create through my magic for February?
Tea Time Reflections
The Wheel of the Year in my practice is based on epithets of the Goddess Hekate, that I have a growing personal relationship with. When I speak of the Universe, of the Divine, it is She that I’m speaking of. The epithet of February is Kyria, that I personally translate into sovereign, of the truth, and powerful. The spider, for me, as the weaver of truth and destiny is the animal ally for February. I listened to the song repeatedly and the same magical feeling rose up and out of me onto paper: I want to be all things me. The commonality between every separate item on my list of goals was me. All of those separate pieces are the musical instruments that make up the song of my life right now and where I’m going in my life. It’s unique because I am. Looking at myself and my intention this way, I had a 7 letter intention on self-awareness as the creator of my own song in every interaction in my world as I know it, in the month of February. As a spider, weaving the web of this life and the knowing of Kyria, being sovereign and wholly powerful in it.
May we all find our power, may we all find our voice and instruments to create our unique song!
A candle and a key,
Musical Inspiration: Chelsea Wolfe – Be All Things
The Universe came for tea today (of course she did!) to sit with me in silence. I was not uncomfortable with the silence but aware of it. I became more aware of my body, the sounds of my home, the birds chirping outside, the sunlight coming through the blinds and even though I had been awake for hours, it was as if I was just waking up to today. I lit some of my connection incense (mugwort, skullcap, lavender, and cinnamon) and settled myself into my chair for a much-needed conversation with myself and the universe. The fundamental necessity of silence became very clear.
Silence as a Necessity
The past few weeks have been busy and while I have managed to find a few moments each day to enjoy being present, I have not had enough time to just be. Contemplating this, I found that what I really mean is that I lack the silence that is necessary. It is in this silence that I can connect to the Universe and listen. I can be aware of her responses to me more clearly and I can discern the guidance that my soul is giving me for the next steps along the winding path that I am walking. I believe that is where the power of silence really starts. It is the ability to listen. It is taking pause without filling up the space with anything else, so that way whatever needs to come to me, comes. It allows the disconnection from busy and fast thinking, to the now. Silence can be the ‘slow down’ we all need and many of us don’t get enough of it.
Silence as an Answer
Sometimes silence can be an answer. It can be a placeholder until a later date. It can also be a full response. This is going to be an unpopular opinion to anyone who has ever been ghosted or ignored, but please hear me out. This is not the type of silence that I am referring to exactly, but it is my trigger warning that this may strike a nerve (I hope it is the nerve of reflection or contemplation though!). When I make a choice to be silent for an extended period of time, often it is because someone is encroaching upon a boundary that I have set or I am just not in a place where I can have a fruitful dialogue. I may be in a place where I need silence for myself, absent of distraction from outside influences. In addition, not everything needs an active, engaging response right away. Not until I consciously choose that I am ready to actively engage. Maybe I need time to reflect on a request, on a conversation, or why someone is reaching out after a while of silence of their own. There are any number of reasons why I may choose silence first. Silence does not have to be a disruptive force in our lives. If silence from another person leaves me feeling disrupted or feeling sad, angry, frustrated, unheard, or worried – that really is on me to figure out. It is my responsibility to understand the reaction I am having to it. There is not a single ounce of obligation from any person, place, object, spirit, or any other thing, to respond or engage with me just because I am on this Earth and want it to do so. I would hope that those I have built relationships with would not return my engagement with an extended amount of silence, but any thoughts or feelings I have about the silence I am receiving are for me to find closure with. I have found, more times than I can count, that if I make space for my own silence, I will find what I am needing on my own. This could mean I find closure to a relationship or partnership that is not viable, that there is another source of information or engagement that I am looking for, or that I am not ready to engage in a certain dialogue because I need time to digest it fully. It is really a disservice to think I owe anyone more of myself than I can provide and it’s a disservice to others to try to engage when I am not fully ready for engagement. Silence can be an answer if one is needed right away.
Silence as an Action
This year, my spirit guide is the wolf and trust is the currency for navigating the changes of 2020. When I connect with my wolf or shapeshift into her during trance, we are silent. I am silent. I am aware of my surroundings and my senses. I am fully in that moment. I trust myself, my choices, and my actions. I think it is important to mention here that while our voices are powerful, there is only one thing I find more powerful, and that is our actions. We can protest for and protect the marginalized, not only by being loud, but through our actions. Showing up to vote. Peacefully protesting. Holding moments of silence. Recycling. Donating. Giving our time. Meditating. Lighting a candle for another person. Studying. Practicing our spirituality. Connecting to the Earth. Calling our power back to us. These do not require a voice but can be a force of great change in a world that desperately needs it.
Silence as a part of the Witch’s Pyramid
As an Initiate of the Sacred Seven forces, I was taught the witch’s pyramid with respect to my own sovereignty. Silence requires a certain amount of discipline and action. Whether it is teaching us to dedicate ourselves to the ‘doing’ that is required for a magical life and a witchcraft practice daily, or how to meditate or how to change our own levels of consciousness to understanding when it is necessary to remain silent (I won’t go into the historical information too much on where this part of the pyramid comes from, but Jason Mankey does in his article on the Witches Pyramid that I rather liked). Overall, in modern terms, it is the silence that is required to hear our own inner voice without it being necessary to use our voice outwardly in an immediate sense. It is the beginning of an understanding of what my true self is saying and how I can use it to shine and foster change within and without.
Silence as a Pause
I watched a talk recently discussing silence by Neal Gittleman where he discusses the power of silence and the power of pause in relation to music and the song beginning. He relates it to the pause before the big bang or of something like Beethoven. Which does have the smallest pause at the very beginning. Or the song 4’33’’ by John Cage. This song is silent. It was originally played in an outdoor theater, and it was over 4 minutes of spectators available to listen to the sound of the world around them with the same amount of focus as listening to music being played. It is also the power we find in ourselves as Witches before our next spiritual upgrade or understanding of our connections to everything around us. It the pause between this heartbeat and the next. It is powerful. It is necessary.
I rang in the New Year aside my partner, little people, and some great friends. I confess it was an awesome party and that I am still finding pieces of confetti in odd places. I also confess that it was the last week of December that led me to find what I really am hopeful for in the New Year that culminated for me in the New Year’s kiss, hugs, and tons of confetti. It was the magic of beginnings after reflecting that entire week on my journey through 2019.
The Universe came for tea after my New Year’s party to remind me that it takes immense courage to embark on journeys for personal growth. I am no longer allowed to point the finger in any other direction than at myself. No one else can be accountable for my growth (or stagnation) other than me.
Change is the one constant in this Universe, and it is inevitable.
It is coming for all of us, it is neither good nor bad, it just is.
Navigating change can be difficult because the unknown can inspire fear rather than a willingness to trust the divine spark within myself. That is the currency of navigating change, the trust in myself. The calculated risks that I have taken to learn and better understand myself in 2019 are a direct reflection of the trust I have in myself and my growth in this life. I am beginning to understand how that currency works by the way that I move and connect to my world, my magic, and my unique journey. I cannot be inspired by fear.
Fear is not the currency with which I want to navigate my personal journey with change in 2020.
I have trust and I have the Wolf.
Full Wolf Moon 2020
The cost of ‘becoming’ is irrefutably high. During this full Wolf Moon of January, I recognized that I had lost so much of my wildness through a prior relationship. During the Moon Circle, as a part of the Wheel of The Year, I acknowledged that this relationship had invalidated my goals, my dreams, and my desires.
These very passions are what made me wild, free, and wolf-like.
I had been caged, trapped, and held hostage without knowing it until I was forced to bare my teeth and escape that situation after 13 years. The wolf became an energy that I used to come back to the USA and survive with almost nothing. She was teaching me how to become more resourceful and fight where I must. Over time, as this wolf helped me survive, she helped me begin to trust again by introducing the curiosity to see this world differently.
My wolf is the medicine of the soul, she is the primal, spiritual growth that is required for wholeness of self and to lead others to it. This year I will trust in myself and the wolf to navigate the changes coming in 2020, whatever they may be.
The RAW Transition to Intention for 2020
As a witch, I recognize that my own spiritual development, intentional living, and movement towards connections, healing, and wholeness are permanent aspects of my magical life. It is my magic. My greatest challenge to date has been understanding the separateness of those ideas is an illusion of the categorical words, they are only separated by the way I choose to understand what each of those words mean.
There is no balancing act required because they are all connected.
The only requirement is active application of intention and presence. My goals require ‘doing’, and not just ‘thinking about doing’. It is ‘experiencing’ the moments for what they are versus what I would like the ‘experience’ of the moments to be.
This transition to intention does not have to be difficult but it does require the actions.
I am not doing myself any favors by taking classes without applying the knowledge, I am not doing anyone justice when I light a torch for anyone but myself, and I am not living my magical life when I do nothing but work, study, or think ahead versus staying grounded and actively being aware of the ‘experiencing’ moments in my day. I need more ‘doing’ that requires me to stay in the present. My days for 2020 are going to be guided by the wolf, using trust as the currency for navigating change, and integrating intention and presence as the catalyst for living my magical life. As I will it, is so!
I have been deep in contemplation and internal reflection. It is cyclical in how I practice my own gratitude for all that is and my journey forward in this life. It can be intense, as I am focused on releasing, recalling, and renewing within a short span of time.
For me, recalling and renewing are synonymous with retrieving my energy and the rebirth into wholeness from the wisdom of what I retrieved.
I recently saw a suggestion pop up on a social media platform regarding fixing or renewing myself in this life by essentially reverting to who I was before life got its hands on me and made me shine less brightly. Life getting its hands on me reminded me of a well-known ecological systems theory that asserts one is affected by both the micro-system and macro-system of the environment in which one resides.
I began to try to unpack what the unknown author meant by this reversion idea, as I found it to be almost impossible in the current context or as it was written.
My experiences have shaped and reshaped me as a person. The experiences have been at the forefront of my own cognitive understanding or the perception of my world and the events taking place within it. I acknowledge that as a personal truth. Some of these experiences were divine and some, well, not so much. At any given moment, I would not want to go back to be the person I was before any lesson that was given to me to be experienced or learned. The knowledge is in the lesson.
The twists and turns that the Universe has put before me as a part of my path in this life are not meant to keep me as I was before. To be as I was is to be chained and shoved in a box, blindfolded, to be infantilized or without the ability to grow. The person that I was, before any number of things along my path were experienced, no longer exists as she was in the present me. While she no longer exists as she was in my present-day life, her energy does exist back where I left her. Before I learned the lessons that brought me here to the present. These things do not have to dim my shine.
I think what this unknown author is really stating is that I should call my power back to me from the pieces of my energetic self that I left behind, so I can shine brighter.
I should call my power back from those places, people, and times that I was learning things that would elevate me into a place of higher understanding, things that I was still ignorant to, things that were painful to learn, or things I should not have been forced to learn so quickly. Many trauma survivors will tell me that the person they were before the trauma no longer exists, but the memory is still there. Sometimes it is on a constant replay loop, where they relive those moments or ruminate about it, and sometimes they shove them all into mental containers to protect themselves because they aren’t yet ready to unpack them or cannot remember the details.
The soul spark is still there…
This is like moving across the world and packing everything in boxes to start over. Arriving at a new destination, we have started to build a new life without unpacking a few boxes from that previous life and maybe even shoving them in the garage to deal with some other time. Our energy still resides in those boxes of life experiences. From across the world and through time, the energy is still there. It’s time to call those pieces back. I assert that “fixing” myself doesn’t mean going back to who I was before the experiences in this life shaped me into who I am, it means I acknowledge the ways in which the experiences could force me into chains and into a box of holding patterns. One that lacks growth and fulfillment, one that is full of ‘stuck here’ and disempowered.
Calling my energy back to me is to face, acknowledge, and remove any chains that are holding me back from fulfilling my purpose in this life.
It is the dance between my past and my future that ignites that spark of truth. This spark, this beacon from the Universe, handed down from all the women I have been, calls to me to draw all my pieces and power back to where they belong. In the now. Shine brighter.
Being the Beacon – Drawing My Energy Back to Me
Skilled psychologists are sometimes the best partners we can have to call our power back to us when we are uncertain of how to navigate this on our own. Being a witch, I learned how to do this as a meditative practice when I feel stuck somewhere in my life or when I notice that certain memories keep coming back up. As a psychology major, I am learning just how much it takes to heal from things both as an individual and as a practitioner. Facing moments of disempowerment, shame, or guilt can also cause distress. My personal message to anyone that this may resonate with is that we all deserve to heal, and if we cannot navigate it ourselves, please reach out to a licensed psychologist.
The following are two practices that I have done, one as a journey experience of calling all of my pieces back to me from lifetimes of experiences and one as a simple meditative practice to call all of my energy back to me at the end of the day to become more grounded.
Application as a Journey:
Find about 10 minutes where you can lay down uninterrupted, under a blanket, and close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Begin to breathe a little deeper, focusing on how the air feels on your nostrils on the inhale and how it feels across your lips on the exhale. Let go of any tension in your face on one breath. Feel the next breath travel down the neck and to the shoulders, releasing all tension on the exhale. On the next breath, feel your arms, upper back, and chest relax. With the next breath, release any tension in your core, lower back, and pelvis. Feel the next breath glide down your legs into your feet and release all the tension. One more deep breath in and envision roots begin to descend from your spine, through the surface you are laying on, into the earth. You are fully supported and safe for this journey.
On your next breath, imagine seeing a light tower at sea from a beach. It is dusk, and you can feel your energetic body with its feet in the sand. The light from your light tower is shining brightly out over the sea, imagine feeling the light as a hum, a vibration, and witness yourself standing at the top where the light is. Imagine your heart center opening and is the source of the hum within the light. Take a moment here to look over the vast sea of moments of your life and feeling your own vibration. You are the vibration calling out to any energetic pieces of yourself that need to come home.Those energetic pieces recognize the frequency of ‘come home’ that you are sending out.
You begin to see orbs light up out across the vastness, as the vibration of your light, your beacon, draws these orbs nearer. You pull them nearer to you as they one by one come to rest in your hand. These beautiful orbs that are vibrating at the same frequency as your light from the light tower. Look at them glow, each holding a piece of you from a time, place, and experience. Can you make out the moments of your life that each one is bring back to you? What did you learn from that moment? How has that moment shaped you? Can you acknowledge how it shaped you? Tell the you that is still back there that it is time to come home from that place.
Each orb you acknowledge, see it glow brighter and rise from your hand and take its place in your open heart center. Take a moment and feel your power drawing back to you from moments that you know have shaped you. Feel your own vibration as these pieces reintegrate, granting you the wisdom and power of your experiences and removing from it that which does not serve your highest purpose any longer.
Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Imagine yourself back on the beach looking out to your light tower. Your energetic feet are in the sand. Now coming back to your physical form, take a deep breath in through the nose and pull up your roots from the earth. On the exhale, begin to wiggle your fingers and toes of your physical body. On the next breath, turn your head from one side to the other gently. On the next breath in feel the air on your nostrils and feel the air move across your lips on the exhale. When you’re ready, open your eyes and begin to process your experience.
Processing the Experience
Processing a journey such as this one can come quickly and you may want to jot down the details, such as what your light tower looked like, were there any colors that made an impression on you, were there any recurring themes, or any guides that showed up? Likewise, the processing may take several days. There is no definitive timeline, just an awareness of your thoughts and feelings in the hours and days to come.
In Practice as a Meditation:
Find about 5 minutes where you can sit uninterrupted, do not cross your arms or legs. Begin by noticing your breath. Do not change it, just notice it. Feel the breath coming in through the nostrils, notice how it feels, is it cool or warm? Notice the breath leaving your nostrils, is there a change in temperature of the breath on the inhale versus the exhale? Allow your body to become a little heavier as you relax, still focused on the breath. Your shoulders drop, your legs and bottom become heavier as you allow your seat to support you.
Now imagine your day today. All your interactions with others, the places you went, the energetic footprint even with social media and all of the connections you made. Imagine these are all places where you have left a small cord that energetically points back to you. These are places and time where you have left an energetic form of yourself, your energy, and one by one call them back. “I call all of my energy back from the trip to the store, I call all my energy back from every email I sent, I call all of my energy back from this phone call”. Envision that one by one those cords have returned to you for safe keeping. You are whole. All your energy belongs to you. Stay here and tune into the feeling of drawing all your power back to you from the days’ activities.
Once you have collected all your energy back, lean into it and seek out the undertone of your day. Take a deep breath and imagine long roots extending into the earth beneath your feet, growing quickly, down, down, down, down. Continue to breathe deeply. On the next inhale, envision your roots pulling up healing, calming energies into your body, and coursing through your veins. On the exhale, envision gathering all of the energetic properties from today that do not belong to you nor serve you and push them down into the earth, she will take it and transform it into something better useful. Do this until you feel calm and grounded. Return your breathing to normal and begin to withdraw your energetic roots from the earth. Wiggle your fingers and toes, maybe point your toes up and then point the toes down, roll your head forward and then backward. When you are ready, open your eyes and process your experience.
Processing the Experience
Processing a meditative practice like this one is good to establish recurring themes to contemplate at a deeper level. Were there certain colors of cords depending on the type of energy or interaction or place that it came from? Were there any emotions tied to these cords from your interactions? How did you feel prior to meditation and how do you feel now?
A candle and a key (I call all my power back to me),
The sun has set on this Harvest Celebration Day, and I am reminded that there are many of us that are finding it especially difficult to traverse the path that brings many families together this time of year. Whether it is those of us that are remaining in the broom closet due to the closed minds of others, fear of rocking the boat, or retribution for any of our life choices in general: I see you.
Season of Gratitude
As someone who has personal experience with the inner voice of others, I used to be driven to clean the baseboards, was worked up and stressed out over all of the things that must be done in order to appease everyone else.
I dealt with the forced false positivity that imploded at the drop of a single criticism from someone for not meeting their expectations.
The weight of the expectations of others during this time of year can be overwhelming and I am grateful to have found my voice, enforced my boundaries, and it has led me to my own version of bliss. This may be an unpopular thing to be grateful for!
The cost of being a witch will always be high, but it is a price I have paid in full. I would do it again if it meant that I am at peace, comfortable with myself, and surrounded by my tribe of people. My disclaimer here is this is not permission to go into the holidays with a torch and burn it down. I mean, we can do that, albeit with disastrous results. Not that anyone needs permission really, as a witch I don’t ask for permission to do what it is I need to do for my personal peace and sovereignty.
Those are the questions though, once we get right down to it:
What is it we need to do for our own peace?
How can we reclaim our sovereignty?
What brings us joy?
How can we show gratitude in the process?
The Road to Bliss
My road to bliss is paved with truth, boundaries, and being sovereign over both. Owning it. That is sovereignty to me. Cleaning baseboards and faking nice are not a part of my bliss. My bliss is warmth in the kitchen, awareness of the love I am putting into the meal as I make it, and the open heart with which I choose myself first, last year, this year, and every year after this.
Here are some of the costs I am willing to pay should the boundaries be tested or crossed:
Maybe this is the last time I host the Harvest Day Celebration and make it known to all that I relinquish the tradition, someone else will need to step in.
Maybe I choose not to go to someone else’s traditional Harvest Day celebration because (as with the lowercase ‘c’ in ‘celebration’) it makes me feel small and less than.
Maybe I don’t clean the baseboards.
Maybe I order the meal in and it is not completely homemade.
Maybe when the criticism or backhanded compliments begin, I address it instead of apologizing for not meeting an expectation.
Maybe I say that what I do or how I choose to live are no longer revolving around someone else’s expectations.
I am unapologetic for the way I choose to live or the choices that I make for myself. I stop carrying the weight of others’ expectations because it is not mine to carry. I am grateful for that.
Even here though, I must be grateful further:
I have a home with baseboards that need cleaning.
I have food to eat.
I have people in my life that, regardless of the past, are still showing up in my present and that means something. Even when I must reinforce the boundaries with them.
I have a voice.
My consciousness is expanding daily and so is my spiritual practice.
I am so grateful for my blessings. So before absolutely torching it this season, I encourage everyone to step back and recognize what there is to be grateful for. Maybe this will be the season that we become the most thankful for if it leads to a deeper connection with others, to individual truths, and individual paths to bliss.
I see you, I believe you are doing what is best for you, and I see that the ways we own it are individual to us all. In whatever ways you unapologetically enforce boundaries, speak your truth, and find your bliss this season – own it. All of it.
I was a part of a ritual recently in my craft and there were so many people who had the most beautiful and connected experience. I mean, they spoke of their experience after this ritual and I became at odds with myself because my experience was not even remotely similar.
I didn’t feel connected.
I felt like I was going through the motions.
Maybe it was because I felt rushed to get it together beforehand or maybe it was because I didn’t take enough time to connect to the energetic current of the correspondences that I was using? I contemplated this heavily as the afternoon turned into night and I just felt off. I tried to ground, center, and rebalance myself before bed and I couldn’t sleep. I felt nauseated. Not in control. Like something was coming up and out of my body and I couldn’t control it.
Ugly was coming for me.
I am in the middle of the mundane workday the next day after
this ritual. I can’t focus and my mind is a cesspool of endless chatter about
not feeling well or right. Something is not right. Is it because the ring I
offered during the ritual is still buried in the salt on my altar and I haven’t
buried it yet? Is it because I have lost my way? Where did my connection to the
Universe go? Why can I not get grounded and focus? I am a witch. I am a
powerful witch at that. I get up from my desk, light my working candle, and
plop down on a pillow. I grab my headphones from the altar and put on a guided
meditation. I feel sick because I can’t shake this feeling that I am obviously
losing it. Before I can think about it any further, I have tears streaming out
of my face and I am gasping for air. Ugly crying. I AM UGLY CRYING. ALONE. ON
THE FLOOR! AT 2 PM ON A MONDAY! This continued for a bit. I did not try to stop
it. I did not force it to stop. For a witch who mentors and teaches others, I
wanted to understand the lesson in this because there is no way that this volatile
experience of weeping, the purging of small oceans from my eyes, did not have a
Introspection, contemplation, and conscious awareness has
taught me that the Universe does not speak in words. She speaks in symbols;
she speaks in ways that require awareness or I cannot fully grasp the messages
from the multitude of ways she is trying to communicate with me. For some
reason I am having a hard time with my awareness after this ritual that has left
me out of control and feeling like I am having a psychotic break. I am being weak
with this flooding of the floor and massacre of tissues. What would my witch mentees
think? If I cannot be strong and keep it together, how can I be wise for them?
How can I help them grow if I am still lying on the floor? WAIT. Did I just
tell myself I am being weak? Where did I learn that from? Where did I learn
that having full on, raw, powerful emotions and crying is weakness? Where did I
learn this? Who taught me that being tough and emotionless was the way to be?
Am I going crazy right now? I look on my altar, the pile of salt covering this
ring that I offered to Hekate. I pull the ring out of the salt, slip on the
nearest flip flops I can find, and rush out into the backyard – I must give it
to her now. I need it out of my house and out of my life.
Dig a deeper hole
It’s cold outside. In the northern hemisphere, everything is
dying. It is a bit windy. I feel desperate to understand my own feelings and I
know this ring has a lot to do with it somehow. I am digging. With my bare hands,
in the cold, in my yard, in what was my tiny vegetable garden during this past spring
and summer. My face did that thing again. The whole flooding thing. I stop
digging and placed my hands on the ground next to the tiny hole I dug. Sitting
here, in the cold, frozen toes and fingers, it dawns on me that I have been programmed
since childhood that tears are weakness. Tears and emotions and attachments that
bring on ugly crying, that is weakness. That is losing control. That is
unacceptable. That is crazy. It is the voice of my mother. It is the voice of
my ex-husband. It is the voice of people who left me to fend for myself after
committing to forever with me by way of birth canal or a document. It is the
voice of my shadow
beckoning me to play by her rules so I can maintain some sense of control in my
own life. What she means is that she is ready to protect me, to fight until the
bitter end, to drive my life for me so I can be safe inside myself. She needs
to sit down. Put the sword down. I am going to slay this one from a place of
truth and healing. I put the ring in the hole and covered it with dirt.
One would think that I would be wise enough to come inside,
wash my hands, maybe splash some water on my face. I did make my way back
inside. I closed the door. Walked to my bedroom, grabbed my pillow, and
screamed into it. When I was finished, I wiped my face with my dirty hands,
took my pillow to the laundry room and put it in the washing machine. I went to
wash my hands and was forced to look at myself in the mirror over the sink.
Dirt streaks on my face. Hair a mess. Bloodshot eyes. Sniffling. For the first
time in a very long time I saw myself in the mirror and didn’t avert my gaze.
In all this ugliness, I am beautiful. The dirt, the tears, the screaming, the symbolic
death rite of the thing that has held me hostage in my ways of moving in this
life from a place of fear instead of a place of bliss and wonder. A place of
now. I buried it and I refuse it. I refuse anything but healing from the things
I have buried as I unearth them and face them. I refuse anything to enter my sacred
space that doesn’t allow healing or growth. Refuse it.
Sit with it
I would like to offer a disclaimer here that I know healing
has some ugly to it. From psychological theories to Witch to Revelation – it is
a truth. Maybe no one told me in a way that I could truly understand because
the experience of it is different from hearing the words ‘Healing is going to
be ugly and it will make you uncomfortable in a world that makes you
uncomfortable anyway’. Fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, joy, happiness,
contentment, passion are all feelings and there is not a single feeling listed here
that does not carry with it a lesson and a message. I must sit with them all in
order to learn the lesson and hear the message because it comes from the
Universe. As within, so without. This is not easy and keeps showing up for me
because I still have more to learn. Healing is a continuous process of digging
deeper and taking away more meaning. It has layers. It is magic. It is
witchcraft. To sit with it and allow it to simply be. To accept it as a part of
the journey. Being uncomfortable is going to allow you to move in life in your
truth. Yours alone. I see you.
Revelations of a Witch. RAW. When I chose the logo for this
site, it was quick. I liked the design. I like the way the characters were. It
was only after I bought it that I realized the differences in the lettering
were indicative of RAW. It is a layer. It is a message. I don’t believe in coincidences.
I believe that Revelations of a Witch is meant to be raw truth, even in the
ugly parts. It is meant to be the creative outlet for the things that I have
buried to be unearthed from within my own inner temple. To be open to the raw
lessons. To be vulnerable by sharing the experiences even if it helps only me. It
is not weakness. The ocean from my eyes is a cleansing rite after the ritual I
experienced and full submersion in the experience was raw and necessary. Be
RAW. Be Real. Heal.
I contemplated this article after speaking with a dear friend. After speaking to her about it and advising that I was writing an article on this, my mentor advised that she was also writing an article on the aftermath of rituals. I was not actually alone in the things I felt after the ritual! If she was writing an article on it, she was either in the midst of this same experience or had been contacted by many of her students and I no longer felt alone. I felt empowered. I felt a raw, unadulterated need to deliver my own article into the world. We are all connected, and we are not alone. This is apparent in how Hekate, the Anima Mundi, has brought us together and created synchronicities in the way we moved today. I see and honor her. I see and honor my mentees. I see and honor myself. I see and honor you. I hold space for all of it.
A candle (to light your way) and a key (to unlock the door
to your truth),
It is a beautiful day here in the northern hemisphere where I reside and the Universe beckoned to me, to have a chat outside. I have a lot of work to do today. I have procrastinated all week and now fear has crept in. The restless and sinking feeling that I won’t be able to accomplish everything I intended to accomplish, as if that is truly what I’m being graded on. I know deep down that this is a self-imposed grading system on productivity. This is not living from my true self. This is my shadow. She better buckle up, I am removing her power over me today by forcing her into the light because I listen when the Universe calls now (until I don’t and I then I suffer the consequences).
Of Shadow and Truth
Our true selves are often hidden away by a fierce protector, a true warrior, our shadow self. Our shadow often forces us into hiding after trauma or invalidation. While our shadow self is not an enemy, the shadow self most certainly loves to be in control. It is the thing that puts our lives on autopilot, instead of in the moment, as an attempt to keep the true self safe from further harm.
Acknowledging those places and moments of powerlessness and invalidation allows us to map out a path to growing our magic and our wholeness…
Our true selves yearn to come out to play, to create, and to live a life we love. A life we manifest through learning to call our power back to us, create our sacred spaces and rituals, and lean in to our unique journeys. Our true self calls forward a life where we begin to remember and rekindle the spark handed to us by the Goddess. We must claim it to ignite from a place of truth.
Grounding, Centering, & Balancing Technique
From experience and trust in myself, I know I need to speak to the Sun and the Universe today. Working with the Goddess and different energies are a significant part of my craft. Grounding, centering, and balancing my own internal energies allows my true self to shine through and renders my shadow powerless over my thoughts, feelings, and actions.
There are many ways to do this, but today, harnessing the energy of the sun sparked the creativity that brought this article to you today. I want to teach you how to utilize guided imagery and meditation to stand in your own power, the power of the true self, by releasing into the earth and then harnessing the power of the Sun.
It starts with the breath, as that is what brings me to the present.
Breathing happens in real time.
It happens at ‘now’.
I inhale slowly, feeling the coolness of the air making its way into my nostrils and filling my lungs. I feel the expansion of my rib cage and I briefly hold the breath. I release it slowly through my mouth, feeling the exhale pass over my lips before I start the inhale again. I begin to count, count to 4 for the inhale and count to 4 for the exhale.
I am present.
I am calm.
I am aware.
In my mind’s eye, I envision growing roots from the bottoms of my feet. They grow quickly, down. Down, down, down. To the core of the Earth. These beautiful roots through which I will release the fear and the self-imposed perfectionism that are preventing me from being fully present in my life today while I simultaneously draw in love and gentleness for myself. I picture pushing down the fear into the Earth on the exhale, the Earth willingly accepting the fear as it can be reborn into something wonderful. On the inhale, I picture love and gentleness being pulled up into the roots, through the soles of my feet, up my calves, thighs, pelvis, belly, and to my heart, where the energy swirls.
I begin to focus on the energy of the sun, the heat, raining down over the crown of my head, my crown opening to allowing it to be drawn down into my third eye. It swirls there for a moment, igniting the spark of self-love and acceptance before it swirls to my throat and brings the feeling of peace to my ability to speak my truth, and travels down further to my heart. It begins to swirl there and mix with the love and gentleness from the Earth below. I stay here for a moment, allowing the energies to combine, continuously breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth.
Feeling grounded, centered, and balanced…
I release the energy of the sun by allowing it to make its way back up through my crown and I release the energy of the earth by allowing it to move back down through my roots and drawing my roots back in. I wiggle my fingers and toes to bring me back into every day consciousness and silently give thanks to the Sun, Earth, and the Universe for showing up in my life, so I too can show up and do what I need to do today without fear and my shadow preventing me from moving forward. She has been ever the fighter, my shadow and fierce protector, but today she can relax.
This meditation can be used daily as needed to release what no longer serves us and call in what is needed in order to be whole. By drawing down upper world sources of energy and pulling up lower world sources of energy, we are able to better balance everything out. This practice can be very difficult at first so please be kind to yourself as you begin to work with the energies of the Universe.
This is the beginning of an awareness ~ it takes practice.
I have spoken about requirements for both spells and for moving within my own life in an article on Perseverance . Awareness, intention, and effort are not new constructs. I am not inventing a new wheel. I am, however, continuously building my awareness of what I need at any given point in time where I must be actively within my own sacred space. Some people refer to this as a mindfulness practice. Other times, I am aware that I must extend my sacred space a little further outward to maintain my preferred level of interaction with others. Some people refer to this as boundary setting.
There are many other levels of sacred space that I have become aware of over time – each of them are requirements for living my intentional, magical life.
I cast circles often. Whether I am connecting to the divine, doing magickal workings, or needing protection, I will create an energetic force field that is designed to keep out any misaligned energetic forces. I use botanicals, witch bottles, amulets,crystals and bells in and around my home and vehicles as permanent solutions of protection just to create layers in case I am not home. Hey, I have a lot of dogs okay?! I have practiced with energy enough that I can do it quickly and almost without effort. These are my sacred spaces that cannot be entered without permission.
I have carved out physical sacred space in my home in the form of altars to deities or the mighty dead. Altars are unique to each person, much like our own flavors added to our practice of witchcraft. Crafted with a purpose and intention, altars are a sacred space of connection.
What else is Sacred? Time. I know a lot of people who would believe this to be money, but I am speaking about living. While it does cost money to survive in today’s world, the cost is time and effort to live intentionally. That is the currency. It is the currency we give in order to get the money to do the survival thing.
We view time as such a linear construct that when we become aware of it as a spiral, building on top of yesterday, last week, last month, last year, the last generation, the ancestors, the stardust that put all of this, everything as we know it to be, into motion – sometimes that can cause a bit of an upheaval in thoughts toward time being like a magic circle. An awareness.
Sacred Circles of Time – Self Development
How does one even make time a sacred circle? I make time for personal development and divine connection daily. It is a sacred circle, creating a spiral that builds upon itself in layers. It is an hour a day devoted to myself and to the divine connection that I must have in order to be moving within my life with awareness, intention, and effort.
Sacred time is the daily clearing of space in my mind and halting its chatter through a meditation practice, so the Universe has greater access to bring into the sacred space exactly what I am needing. It creates the space for us to have a conversation, to increase my awareness, and work in flow with her. It is the daily journaling for awareness of my own thoughts and feelings.
It is the gratitude I profess in written form or in that of prayer to her many epithets or energy forms.
It is the lunar cycle workings, especially the Deipnon in the tradition I follow.
It is the baths that I take, with the botanicals that I must scrub out of the tub immediately following.
It is the articles that I create for the sake of creation.
It is taking pause.
It is the stillness and silence that my soul is seeking so that the Universe can provide the path away from the overwhelm that inhabits my life when I stop being aware. Today she stopped by for tea and this Revelation is the gift of ‘slow down’ that she gave me.
The Universe has a funny way of putting me where I need to be. Sometimes I petition her for help, other times I am a part of the plan to get someone else where they need to be. There are also times where she sends me signs and warnings that I must let go of something in order to move forward on my journey. Somehow everything the Universe has ever warned me to let go of has turned into a battle of wills.
She has had to pry it out of my life as I desperately clawed at it in effort to hold onto it.
That is the thing about her warnings, they are subtle at first, but then her message gets louder when I am not paying enough attention. It usually springs forth as adversity or a crisis: obstacles that are preventing me from getting where I need to be or shattering the image that I am living the life I want to be.
I feel it is safe to say that most humans face adversity in some aspect of their lives. Loss. Grief. Sadness. Fear. Worry. Overwhelm. I have experienced moments that defined how I moved in this life. The death of who I was before an event in my life and the rebirth of myself after that event. It is in those moments that I had to choose how I was going to move in this life.
Do I allow the adversity to stop me in my tracks and become stagnant?
Or do I move forward to persevere by healing from it?
Will I choose to be defined by the adversity I have faced, or do I choose to be defined by my perseverance? Both taste of truth. Which one is going to allow me to stand in my power, my sovereignty, and be free? It will always be perseverance. Every time. It is an inherent power.
When it BIG sucks
Let me be clear – adversity sucks. Things sometimes suck and sometimes it is not a little amount of suck, but BIG suck. It has left me reeling, raw, full of emotions, and needing to heal. This is not always a quick process nor is it ever truly over. Every time I hear a certain song, smell a certain fragrance, drive down an old, familiar road – I break open again a little bit. This awareness of healing as a necessity is how I began to stand in my power and be free. Accepting responsibility for my own healing is tough. The journeys I’ve embarked on to heal the things that hurt me is where the freedom is.
Facing the obstacles, confronting each one that is standing between me and my beautiful life, and then choosing to reach higher. That is perseverance. It is being responsible for my own truth. It requires awareness, intention, and energetic effort. It requires me to be real with myself, a speaker of truth, and embrace the power I hold over my own life by letting go of what no longer serves me.
Triformis of Spells and Sovereignty
Awareness, intention, and energetic effort are the triformis of spells in my craft. They are the groundwork for the spells I cast, and it is the same for how I move in my life when it comes to healing.
Awareness references the ability to see and comprehend the world around me and my internal world. Seeing the symbolism in my life as it is the only way that the Universe can communicate with me. Whether it be dreams or the fact there are crows in my backyard that will not be quiet right now. Awareness includes being cognizant of emotions and thoughts taking place within and how those are outwardly expressed in my actions.
Intention refers to the objective of whatever action will take place or whatever specific thing I am looking to accomplish. It is the thought form that I am looking to manifest into my reality and the plan to get there. This is not wishcraft, it requires a plan but the divine can help align things for me to have the greatest impact.
Energetic effort refers to the action. Bringing awareness and intention together, and then some energy to help send my message to the universe and sit back to let her coordinate while I work on what I can control: my own plan of action. I might use the energies of the elements, plants, or stones to give additional energy, focus, or higher vibration to the intention as I send it out.
Where to start…
Deep diving our lives is always a great place to start when we have decided that adversity will not define our lives. Sitting with the things that we don’t talk about and journaling about it will create the space for acceptance of those things that we cannot change. While this does not mean it should have happened to us, it simply means that it did and we cannot change the past. I cannot face something that I do not even acknowledge, which means I also cannot heal from it until this part happens. It is an initiation back to my personal truth. It means I call my energy back to me from those moments of being powerless that will make me whole, sovereign, and powerful now.
This is the beginning of awareness.
Thisis where the path to freedom and living an intentional life starts.
I wish I could say it is easy to do, but that is not the case. Acknowledging the things we need to heal from is ugly, hard, and can cause distress. If distress tolerance is not a strong point, please seek help from a licensed professional. I am a firm believer in the power of psychology as a path to freedom and sovereignty when needed!
Today a friend of mine posted an article with a collection of witchy books and it conjured up a reminder of just how much I would love to be an author. I want to write for a living and all my proudest, albeit hardest, moments have come after books that I have truly connected with. The books that brought me to my ‘aha’ moments, books that made me question everything I believed in, stood for, and beckoned me into a life worth living. Yes, “those” books and yet, some of “those” books weren’t on this list that my friend posted.
It made me realize just how many witches are around that do not resonate with the word ‘witch’.
They do not claim ‘witch’ as theirs, but the work that they have done is nothing short of magic. To be at their own crossroads and provide us with a written guide of what do (and in some cases, what not to do!) to make it through the crossroads we may also come to face. When an author can connect with others through the written word and tell a story that inspires action, that inspires others to change, create, and connect with their world on a deeper level, that is magic.
Regardless of any of the authors identifying as ‘witch’ or not, I have come to realize these authors were called to tell their stories to help, teach, and inspire others. It was not a call to do so for money, it was a call to heal themselves while creating a guide for others. Many times, authors create for the love of creating.
It is the passion and the fury of the fire that burns within them.
Witches will say it came from the divine and that the spark of an idea came on suddenly. Authors who do not identify with the word ‘witch’ will fundamentally say the same things. Witch or not, we are connected by the very same threads that are weaving a winding path to greater understanding and connection to our world and the cycles of death and rebirth.
Photo Credit: Travis J. Smith – A New View Photography & Cinematography
Unique Journeys Along the Cycle – Death and Rebirth
I don’t even really like to call it a cycle, as it is more like a spiral really. That will be for another Revelation. How many times have we collectively heard of this cycle of death and rebirth?
Whether you identify as ‘witch’ or not, really take pause here and think about it. In the physical world we could look at the seasons. In metaphors, how about ‘putting an argument to rest’? Being ‘born again’ or ‘putting down roots’? How about ‘turning the page’ or ‘closing a chapter’? The seasons change in a beautiful cycle of decay and rot, the letting go, in order to lay the foundation of rebirth (starting again) in the coming year. Putting an argument to rest by resolution so those involved can move forward anew. Being born again implies the death of the person before the rebirth. Putting down roots is the birth and growth that will ultimately decay. Turning the page and closing a chapter are rebirth and death.
We all have unique journeys within this cycle. There are times in life which we may refer to ourselves as being the person before an event and the person after an event. From one moment to the next, one year to the next, one divorce, one marriage, one death of a loved one, one death of an animal, one pay raise, one argument, and one dark moon away from a new cycle of death (letting go) and rebirth (starting again). I am no exception. It has repeated the cycle through different constructs and actions, either my own actions, thoughts, and feelings or the actions, thoughts, and feelings of others. It is here in this cycle where I have stumbled and found my guidance towards my truth in books.
Finding Personal Truths in Books – The Real Revelation
These are books of healing, of death, of rebirth, of creation, of great magic, of love, and of connectedness. These things are the beautiful strands of the universe written to guide us toward our own truths, woven intricately together by some of my greatest teachers. Some own ‘witch’ and some do not. Here is the thing, truths do not have to be complicated, but many times they are difficult lessons when we are having to fight our way to it. Sometimes something must die (be let go) in order to stand in our truth (be reborn). I am here, with my revelations, after exactly 4 books were written, right on time and waiting to guide me through each death and subsequent rebirth. They each led me to the other in a cycle (of course they did!) and that cycle brought me right here, today.
To the you that is reading this and searching for your own guides, your own truths, and your own paths.
Revelations of a Witch was conceived and born from the teachings of healing, death, rebirth, creativity, magic, love and connectedness – above all else it is a guide for fierce personal empowerment and self-love.