I have been deep in contemplation and internal reflection. It is cyclical in how I practice my own gratitude for all that is and my journey forward in this life. It can be intense, as I am focused on releasing, recalling, and renewing within a short span of time.
For me, recalling and renewing are synonymous with retrieving my energy and the rebirth into wholeness from the wisdom of what I retrieved.
I recently saw a suggestion pop up on a social media platform regarding fixing or renewing myself in this life by essentially reverting to who I was before life got its hands on me and made me shine less brightly. Life getting its hands on me reminded me of a well-known ecological systems theory that asserts one is affected by both the micro-system and macro-system of the environment in which one resides.
I began to try to unpack what the unknown author meant by this reversion idea, as I found it to be almost impossible in the current context or as it was written.
My experiences have shaped and reshaped me as a person. The experiences have been at the forefront of my own cognitive understanding or the perception of my world and the events taking place within it. I acknowledge that as a personal truth. Some of these experiences were divine and some, well, not so much. At any given moment, I would not want to go back to be the person I was before any lesson that was given to me to be experienced or learned. The knowledge is in the lesson.
The twists and turns that the Universe has put before me as a part of my path in this life are not meant to keep me as I was before. To be as I was is to be chained and shoved in a box, blindfolded, to be infantilized or without the ability to grow. The person that I was, before any number of things along my path were experienced, no longer exists as she was in the present me. While she no longer exists as she was in my present-day life, her energy does exist back where I left her. Before I learned the lessons that brought me here to the present. These things do not have to dim my shine.
I think what this unknown author is really stating is that I should call my power back to me from the pieces of my energetic self that I left behind, so I can shine brighter.
I should call my power back from those places, people, and times that I was learning things that would elevate me into a place of higher understanding, things that I was still ignorant to, things that were painful to learn, or things I should not have been forced to learn so quickly. Many trauma survivors will tell me that the person they were before the trauma no longer exists, but the memory is still there. Sometimes it is on a constant replay loop, where they relive those moments or ruminate about it, and sometimes they shove them all into mental containers to protect themselves because they aren’t yet ready to unpack them or cannot remember the details.
The soul spark is still there…
This is like moving across the world and packing everything in boxes to start over. Arriving at a new destination, we have started to build a new life without unpacking a few boxes from that previous life and maybe even shoving them in the garage to deal with some other time. Our energy still resides in those boxes of life experiences. From across the world and through time, the energy is still there. It’s time to call those pieces back. I assert that “fixing” myself doesn’t mean going back to who I was before the experiences in this life shaped me into who I am, it means I acknowledge the ways in which the experiences could force me into chains and into a box of holding patterns. One that lacks growth and fulfillment, one that is full of ‘stuck here’ and disempowered.
Calling my energy back to me is to face, acknowledge, and remove any chains that are holding me back from fulfilling my purpose in this life.
It is the dance between my past and my future that ignites that spark of truth. This spark, this beacon from the Universe, handed down from all the women I have been, calls to me to draw all my pieces and power back to where they belong. In the now. Shine brighter.
Being the Beacon – Drawing My Energy Back to Me
Skilled psychologists are sometimes the best partners we can have to call our power back to us when we are uncertain of how to navigate this on our own. Being a witch, I learned how to do this as a meditative practice when I feel stuck somewhere in my life or when I notice that certain memories keep coming back up. As a psychology major, I am learning just how much it takes to heal from things both as an individual and as a practitioner. Facing moments of disempowerment, shame, or guilt can also cause distress. My personal message to anyone that this may resonate with is that we all deserve to heal, and if we cannot navigate it ourselves, please reach out to a licensed psychologist.
The following are two practices that I have done, one as a journey experience of calling all of my pieces back to me from lifetimes of experiences and one as a simple meditative practice to call all of my energy back to me at the end of the day to become more grounded.
Application as a Journey:
Find about 10 minutes where you can lay down uninterrupted, under a blanket, and close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Begin to breathe a little deeper, focusing on how the air feels on your nostrils on the inhale and how it feels across your lips on the exhale. Let go of any tension in your face on one breath. Feel the next breath travel down the neck and to the shoulders, releasing all tension on the exhale. On the next breath, feel your arms, upper back, and chest relax. With the next breath, release any tension in your core, lower back, and pelvis. Feel the next breath glide down your legs into your feet and release all the tension. One more deep breath in and envision roots begin to descend from your spine, through the surface you are laying on, into the earth. You are fully supported and safe for this journey.
On your next breath, imagine seeing a light tower at sea from a beach. It is dusk, and you can feel your energetic body with its feet in the sand. The light from your light tower is shining brightly out over the sea, imagine feeling the light as a hum, a vibration, and witness yourself standing at the top where the light is. Imagine your heart center opening and is the source of the hum within the light. Take a moment here to look over the vast sea of moments of your life and feeling your own vibration. You are the vibration calling out to any energetic pieces of yourself that need to come home.Those energetic pieces recognize the frequency of ‘come home’ that you are sending out.
You begin to see orbs light up out across the vastness, as the vibration of your light, your beacon, draws these orbs nearer. You pull them nearer to you as they one by one come to rest in your hand. These beautiful orbs that are vibrating at the same frequency as your light from the light tower. Look at them glow, each holding a piece of you from a time, place, and experience. Can you make out the moments of your life that each one is bring back to you? What did you learn from that moment? How has that moment shaped you? Can you acknowledge how it shaped you? Tell the you that is still back there that it is time to come home from that place.
Each orb you acknowledge, see it glow brighter and rise from your hand and take its place in your open heart center. Take a moment and feel your power drawing back to you from moments that you know have shaped you. Feel your own vibration as these pieces reintegrate, granting you the wisdom and power of your experiences and removing from it that which does not serve your highest purpose any longer.
Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Imagine yourself back on the beach looking out to your light tower. Your energetic feet are in the sand. Now coming back to your physical form, take a deep breath in through the nose and pull up your roots from the earth. On the exhale, begin to wiggle your fingers and toes of your physical body. On the next breath, turn your head from one side to the other gently. On the next breath in feel the air on your nostrils and feel the air move across your lips on the exhale. When you’re ready, open your eyes and begin to process your experience.
Processing the Experience
Processing a journey such as this one can come quickly and you may want to jot down the details, such as what your light tower looked like, were there any colors that made an impression on you, were there any recurring themes, or any guides that showed up? Likewise, the processing may take several days. There is no definitive timeline, just an awareness of your thoughts and feelings in the hours and days to come.
In Practice as a Meditation:
Find about 5 minutes where you can sit uninterrupted, do not cross your arms or legs. Begin by noticing your breath. Do not change it, just notice it. Feel the breath coming in through the nostrils, notice how it feels, is it cool or warm? Notice the breath leaving your nostrils, is there a change in temperature of the breath on the inhale versus the exhale? Allow your body to become a little heavier as you relax, still focused on the breath. Your shoulders drop, your legs and bottom become heavier as you allow your seat to support you.
Now imagine your day today. All your interactions with others, the places you went, the energetic footprint even with social media and all of the connections you made. Imagine these are all places where you have left a small cord that energetically points back to you. These are places and time where you have left an energetic form of yourself, your energy, and one by one call them back. “I call all of my energy back from the trip to the store, I call all my energy back from every email I sent, I call all of my energy back from this phone call”. Envision that one by one those cords have returned to you for safe keeping. You are whole. All your energy belongs to you. Stay here and tune into the feeling of drawing all your power back to you from the days’ activities.
Once you have collected all your energy back, lean into it and seek out the undertone of your day. Take a deep breath and imagine long roots extending into the earth beneath your feet, growing quickly, down, down, down, down. Continue to breathe deeply. On the next inhale, envision your roots pulling up healing, calming energies into your body, and coursing through your veins. On the exhale, envision gathering all of the energetic properties from today that do not belong to you nor serve you and push them down into the earth, she will take it and transform it into something better useful. Do this until you feel calm and grounded. Return your breathing to normal and begin to withdraw your energetic roots from the earth. Wiggle your fingers and toes, maybe point your toes up and then point the toes down, roll your head forward and then backward. When you are ready, open your eyes and process your experience.
Processing the Experience
Processing a meditative practice like this one is good to establish recurring themes to contemplate at a deeper level. Were there certain colors of cords depending on the type of energy or interaction or place that it came from? Were there any emotions tied to these cords from your interactions? How did you feel prior to meditation and how do you feel now?
A candle and a key (I call all my power back to me),
Feature Image Credit: Ella Arie via Unsplash