Weekend of the Witches
February was magical this year, as I was able to see my new moon intention come to fruition through an event: I was graced with the ability to attend my first and only Pantheacon (this was the final year of the event). I am never sure what to expect when I go to large functions to begin with, but I was resolute in my quest to be all things me. To not separate my life into segments but show up to it wholly. To just be present for it and allow it to be. It proved to provide the best lesson I’ve learned to date and not just for use during a Weekend of the Witches.
What could be better than being myself in all of my inherent Witchy-ness, arriving at a large event that is full of others that, like me, the world has marginalized, downplayed, and invalidated in many ways (throughout history and even now in some ways)? Staying in a house with a bunch of Witches – that is where the magic happened, that is where I found my fire and also understood what it is like to realize that for all of my understanding and practice of energetic connection, I was an energetic virgin in my quest to connect with others.
Relate vs Connect
I know energy. Or so I thought. What I recognize now, with humans, is that I know of energy based on my perception, usually while using one of my 5 senses that make me human. There is a magic to it when I use my heart or my hands to sense energy or ‘see’ it instead. It is not like using my eyes and gauging behavior based on my personal experiences. It is not like using psychological training or teachings to read between the lines. There are books with directions. They give us words, to read with our eyes and comprehend based on our own knowing of those words and what they mean to us. Using my heart or hands to see and perceive is not like using my ears to hear the difference in pitch to recognize distress, happiness, melancholy, or sadness in people. I can relate with people based on my 5 senses and my experiences. That is what I must call it now that I know there is a difference between connecting and relating to humans.
Energy as a Language
I have learned how to use my heart sense when connecting to plants or stones. It is something I enjoy. To sit with an herb, a live plant, or a stone and energetically reach out with my heart center to speak with that plant and feel its energy. To begin a conversation or relationship using my breath to open up and feel with the heart. To hold my hands out and experience seeing the energy through my hands. It is a completely magical experience to begin that type of actual connection with a plant or herb or stone. What I did not know, experience, or understand until San Jose was this: I can connect to people the same way. I can connect to another person’s energy through my heart (with consent here – it is necessary!). I can connect on an energetic level and it is the most intimate thing I have ever encountered, this energetic play between two humans, two witches, worlds apart until San Jose. I was an energetic virgin until the day I learned to use my magic, my energy, to connect with another human. She taught me how to open up to feel her energy racing around my hand, to stand in the ocean as it cleansed us both but allowed the energy of fire to conduct like electricity as she opened my heart (although it felt like she was going to send lightning through my feet), how freeing it can be to step into it, and how powerful it is to connect that way.
The Magic in Vulnerability
I want to be clear, this was one lesson, over many moments during the Weekend of the Witches. I also want to clarify that somewhere in my own life I had been taught that intimacy is something reserved for a partner. Emotional and sexual intimacy should be reserved for one person only and even still, it is risky even to allow it with one person. Now that I know about energetic connection, I recognize that personal experience has been the factor dictating this connection vs. relating and it took this moment to recognize how much I closed myself to the experience. It wasn’t just a resistance in connecting this way, it was a safeguard, the closing of the gate in order to keep myself protected from further harm. I also never really fit that rule for emotional intimacy as I can enjoy emotional intimacy with close friends as well. I have never had any type of energetic intimacy with a human until San Jose. It was there. I was both open and free. And I allowed this person to see me fully, with perfect trust in both of us to just play with the elements between us and the energy together. I learned that energy play is another measure in experience altogether and it doesn’t have to be sexual in nature in any capacity. It was learning to connect to another person who is also aware of their energy and being present to experience the connection. This trip was not just about being all things me, it was about becoming all things me and being free enough to experience my magic in the vulnerability of truly connecting with others.
A candle and a key (another Fire Witch set me free),