The heaviest crown I have attempted to wear thus far is that of Sibyl. I am becoming a Mystai and I am learning to dive deeper into the mysteries of divination. I would love to foresee my next move, the next play, or what will strategically move me forward. Wearing this crown is to trust in my own connection to the divine and my tools. My tools of preference are oracle cards, tarot cards, or the runes. They are all attuned to me and me to them. That works very well for reading my own energy, using the energy of the card for spell crafting, and self-development. This is leading me deeper than that.
We all have our intuition, our own knowing, our own will, our own ability to make choices, but I like to time walk and ask for guidance too. To better explain, I like to see the outcome I am needing and walk myself back to where I am now to gather insight into the steps needed to make it happen. If I can see it, I can do my part to make it happen.
What happens when I cannot see it?
What if I do not even know what ‘it’ is that I am needing to do?
When I intuitively know there is something deeper that I need to understand, how can I truly build up and connect to the divine for guidance? This is not a restless feeling, it is more of a curiosity. Where am I going, what am I here for, what is my purpose, and who is coming with me? Every day is a steppingstone on this spiral of life I am walking, adding more layers of meaning that I will always return to sift through later when I must call my power back to me.
I have said it many times, the universe does not necessarily send me a message through a voice or the spoken word. She does, however, get on my level with signs I should be able to pick up on. Let that sink in. I ‘should’ be able to pick up on.
She requires that I be aware, that I be present in my life, that I am taking in my world around me and being intentionally observant.
The biggest tool in my arsenal of tools is me and my ability to be aware, to connect, to intuitively understand exactly where I am at any given point in my day. I am an advocate for divination as it has proven to be a game-changer in my spell work and self-development, but what about using those energies in a different way? Not just for the spirit contained within them, but as a conduit through which my Goddess and guides can speak to me? What about opening it up to interpret other patterns in my day as additional information, as guidance? It is not just when we are asking for it, but what if there is information or patterns, if we continue our awareness, that would be able to assist us in our way of being?
I am the greatest tool in my arsenal and I too am a conduit.
I set out to connect to Lachesis, the one who knows the intent of the divine for my life. My intention was to simply connect and to listen. To learn. To have a cycle focused on my divination practices within my sacred daily practice and know my message for the day. I journeyed (also known as a self-guided meditation or trance) to my own inner temple sending out an invitation to my Goddesses, the ancient Sybils, The Fates, and The Sacred Seven forces of which I am also a Priestess. The messages were unbelievable. While the messages were not as specific as I wished them to be, they left me with a spark.
The Initial Message
I do a little segment on my social media that I refer to as Tea Cup Stories. I had been planning to update an article this last week and my Tea Cup Story post for that day caught my attention. Well, really it was more like a jolt. My breath caught in my throat, little hairs on my arms stood up. I posted it.
I have an article with a picture of a lighthouse that I took. The name of the article says it all, Being the Beacon. I knew immediately that it was going to be the article that I updated. It is about calling our power back to us from the day or from times where we felt powerless, especially when those times continuously pop into our minds. That is our energy reaching to us, asking to come home, and it is really a powerful practice. It helps to find where our energy is stuck and call it home, to be kind to ourselves in order to grow. I would love to say it was the end of the guidance from my journey, but it did not stop there!
The Message Continues
The next day I received a message from a family member who recently buried her husband. I was unable to attend the funeral, so I had intentionally done my own rite for him two weeks ago (within 24 hours he was gone). I do not really keep my family in the loop with my witchy ways, but this man was important in my life at a very liminal time.
I wanted to honor him in his own liminal space and guide him just as he had guided me.
If there was ever a lighthouse to shine bright amid any storm, this man was the lighthouse that I had needed. Now I was getting messages at 6 am and it became immediately clear that she had not given herself permission to grieve in any way. She was reaching out for something else because there is no way she was reaching out to discuss going back to work for the school system at 6 am. No way! To be honest, any other day, I would not even have my phone in front of me at 6 am!
I begin to tell her that her husband had been a lighthouse for every person he met, I know he would want her to shine brighter too and to honor herself by giving herself permission to grieve in a way that works for her. Maybe a grief journal would be helpful. We walked through the ways in which our family has never been one to openly acknowledge the challenges, our grief, or to grieve in general. That this had been passed down to all of us: we suppress it, hide it, and shove it away from us so it does not affect us or others.
That is where we lose our power, by not allowing those things to come home to teach us.
Those things teach us to shine brighter and be the lighthouse. She said thank you for the idea of a grief journal and she went to work. I was left contemplating. I can be the lighthouse. Right? Is that it? Is that the message? The guidance is to be the lighthouse for others?
The Storms Arrive
A few days later, a tornado rips through my hometown. I am heartbroken, frantically checking on the people I love. We all formed this bond, from childhood, no matter where we are, we can call on each other. I call someone’s mom, she is my mom too in a way, and I have her check on my brother down at the end of the road. I am texting and video calling people that I do not talk to often and every single one responds or answers the phone. They are my lighthouse in that moment. They have been my lighthouse many times, helping me to shine brighter. The beacon when I needed to find my way home, they were and have always been right there. I can shine bright, I can be the lighthouse, and allow others to also be a lighthouse for me. Got it. I think I understand the message!
Leaning into it…
After all the hustle and bustle of connecting deeply with others and my magic, the divining of messages meant for me has left me in my own storm: I am recognizing that I am actually really tired. It is not a tired that comes with just connecting or walking my path. It is tiredness that comes from doing things that are not fully in alignment with it at all. I wish I could say that I came to that conclusion that quickly.
It took 3 days of being entirely uncomfortable. Without my usual enthusiasm for just about everything, without inspiration, and without energy. My house looking thoroughly lived in plus some, my hair a mess, and honestly, I thought I was getting sick or maybe depressed. I knew I was going to have to just lean into it.To be uncomfortable until I could figure this out.
I was not going to eat my way out of it, deplete my bank account on shiny pretties, and I was not going to scream. This was just going to be the ritual for now. Just be with it. There is something magical about not giving myself an out, to force myself to sit with uncomfortable moments.
Lean a little further…
I pulled my cards each day. The first day was about internal choices and balance. Okay then…I felt really out of sorts, so I took the day for tranquility. To just be. The second day was about growth and creativity, the outward spark into the world. This made absolutely zero sense, I felt no growth happening that day, only stuck-ness! I decided that day to just quit everything else. Just flow.
I took a bath.
I read a book.
I played with the dogs.
I decided that even though I was apparently supposed to be outwardly blooming, I was going to just be still. I know what the card says to me, but it was not meant for me that day and I trusted that. That evening I went to sleep confused, but a little thought popped into my head. What if the connection is day 1 card plus day 2 card?
Balance is a requirement for growth.
It was like a little ‘ah ha!” moment. In what ways are the choices I am making out of balance with respect to my purpose, my ability to shine brightly? How can I move forward with the choices I do make to ensure that I am balanced so that I may grow? I had so much to contemplate on where my energy was going that was detrimental to not only myself, but to those who I am supposed to guide. The third day card was a “dawning” on me almost literally, that the daily hustle and bustle had left little room to connect with my own true cycles of being.
I am not tired of connecting, I am just not connecting in a way that honors my own cycles or the cycles of others. I have learned the Sibyls, the Fates, my Goddesses, and my guides will never give me every piece of information that I want. They will give me enough pieces to be able to discern what it is that I need to know so I may continue on the right path. This is the power of the Sibyl, the crown, of the Sacred Seven, and sometimes it reminds us that we need to reconnect to honor ourselves and others exactly where we are, so we can be a lighthouse and shine brighter. Honor the cycles of stillness, honor the cycles of growth, and knowing that stillness does not equate to stagnation. Stillness has the ability to fully push us forward into a new season. Divine on!
A candle and key (that crown really got to me!),