The Knowing

I began walking this path with a Knowing. Not the kind of Knowing that logic provides, but the kind of Knowing that comes from something else entirely. A feeling of homecoming and that of being grossly behind. A sense of urgency to catch up on all the things I did not know about being a witch, a healer, or my own gifts. I wanted to do it right! I wanted to be the best possible witch in the shortest amount of time, with all the Knowing that I could build: courses, books, decks, runes, and an insatiable desire to expand upon that Knowing that brought me here in the first place. 

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The Thing about That…

I found that as I began to search, I also began to doubt myself. I began to doubt my ability. Energy work? Correspondences?  Healing myself? Slow down? Silence? Meditation? I want spells! I want to divine the future! I want to know how to do things that create this life that I know I am supposed to be living! I wanted the good stuff and I wanted it yesterday, but all I see is ‘know thyself’. I already know myself, I have been living this life for over 30 years and I am missing something. It is why I am here doing this work to learn how to live a life full of magic. Where is the actual magic? Queue full on existential crisis of not understanding how any of this works and despair that maybe I am not in the right place. Fear that I’m not witching right, I don’t understand tarot, I don’t understand why I can’t connect to plants, why I can’t have ‘magical experiences’ and I’ll never get it.

To the person reading this who is about to break down into tears because you’re living the moments I’ve just described:

Welcome home Witch, you’ve arrived at a destination you’ve not visited in a very long time and it needs some dusting and new floors to walk upon.

Breathe. 

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I Know and So Do You

I have always Known I was meant for more, but life experiences and adulthood have advised me from an early age that Knowing is about logic. A good life starts with my brain, it is being intelligent, it is going to school, finding a job that pays my bills so I can also eat, and this becomes the indoctrination for many people. I came into this path knowing that life must be more than all the work, all the mundane, stagnating feelings of “I am surviving”.

It was that restlessness, that search to find ways to bridge the gap between what my life had become and what I knew it should be.

This became my beginning, the birth of something new. There are no coincidences, if you are here, you are searching for something: that’s synchronicity you are channeling, and it has been with you this whole time, leading you and guiding you to this very moment.

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This is the Hour, I am the Power

I was born with psychic ability, intuition, and the ability to heal others. It is the manifestation of Knowing. It is like my own muscles, if I do not flex them, train them, or use them then they become atrophied or unable to be used properly and causing injury or harm to myself if I extend a little too far. You were born with Knowing too, as a child, with trust in the Universe and ourselves until something taught us not to.

Until the world told us we must grow up.

Told us we do not have time to sit with roly-poly bugs or stare at the flowers.

We do not have time to be barefoot in the dirt or sit with the wind while the birds sing to tell us a story, where we can sit in stillness and experience bliss right now.  There is no time for that heartspace awareness. There is only time to do the things that ensure we meet everyone else’s expectations of the life we are supposed to lead.  We are told to know our place nested within humanity and this society it has built upon that logical indoctrination. This is the hour: choose your Knowing, it is your power. 

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The Modes of Knowing

In my personal practice there are 3 modes of Knowing, consisting of my higher Divine Connection, the Heartspace, and the Warrior Within. When all 3 modes are integrated and working together, I call it being in my witch ‘homeostasis’. It is balanced, I become whole, and my Knowing will flex its muscles and it will grow. I find that I am in flow in my life, in the moment, and my magic is more powerful when I am balanced in this way. The key that unlocks the door to your own psychic abilities, intuition, and your unique magic is awareness of these modes.

The Divine Mode

My higher Divine Connection I think of as my third eye awakening. Where my intellectual self resides. It is my creativity and my ability to interpret the symbolism in my environment based on more than human senses. Those ‘aha’ moments, bursts of creativity or ideas out of nowhere, thoughts that come to me from nowhere – that is the Universe connecting with and through me. It is my Knowing of something greater than myself that is pushing me forward. The Universe interacting with me, giving me the direct messages of things I need to know, awaken, and remember: the ability to see without using my eyes and to travel without leaving my home.

The Heartspace Mode

My Heartspace is a different mode of Knowing. This is a place of the perception and interpretation of things in my environment and the many ways of interacting with it. Many times, I have no way of proving how I know things ‘in my heart’. For example, I have learned the heart creates its own magnetic field and I can open that magnetic field up to perceiving things around me. From here, I can allow others to perceive me and I can perceive others from a place of love, trust, and acceptance of what is versus what I wish it to be.

To allow connections to manifest in that way also allows a freer flow of connection between my Divine Knowing, Heartspace Knowing, and my Warrior Within Knowing.

Many of us are blocked in this specific place because the world has programmed us to not use it. This is the mode of Knowing from when I was a child, watching flowers and bees, and sensing the growth or comfort from those things as they are. As an adult, it has come to me as sitting next to a plant and not knowing what it is. I sat long enough, and a song popped into my head about roses by an old big hair band that I have not listened to in an exceptionally long time. This is an example of not striving for anything to be different than it is, but just observing and knowing in the moment. I am still waiting to see if the plant turns out to be a rose!

The Warrior Within Mode

The Warrior Within as a mode of Knowing is my experience within my lifetimes and the energy of truth. This is what I refer to as my gut feeling, the person I that can become to keep me safe or know things deep down (without any type of specific evidence). She is the Warrior, my Protectress, my Shapeshifter, the energy of my primal truth and the ability to tap into that base energy, to Know and perceive it in ourselves and others.

It can be pure awareness of that which there are no words for: only feelings and symbols that must be perceived in our consciousness.

I led my life from here for the longest time, I let her auto-pilot my life because she is always safe and allows me to hide from others. Her face matches mine perfectly so no one can tell if she is taking the lead and while this has its place, it prevented me from showing up and truly connecting to others for a long time. It was also the place where I used to hide all of my hurts and my pain, because I was programmed that we don’t accept bad feelings and we most certainly don’t allow them to come into the light by speaking about them. PSA: There are no ‘bad’ feelings or emotions. Also, you cannot heal from things you do not acknowledge. Shine the light on it. Take up the space. Heal.

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Building it Up

Knowing myself became the principle of awareness for recognizing and building up my own intuition and unique gifts. It takes time, energetic effort, and intention to integrate the modes of Knowing within us (which is not unlike spell work in my witchery!). It is the magic of moving into our flow, of reclaiming, of rewilding, and of creating the space for those gifts that have been with us all along. To trust in ourselves fully, knowing there are no mistakes or coincidences.

There is no ‘one right way’.

There is only learning and synchronicity. We start by paying attention and showing up in our lives. This requires healing what must be healed, releasing what does not serve us or holds us back, integrating with our warrior, and changing our desire from perfection (fear-based) into the desire of wholeness (joy-based). Once the magic within us is restored, we start to recognize that there is no separation between us, our modes of Knowing, and what we need to create our own magical, intentional lives. We have healed and can heal others. We can become the guides for others. We have created the open energy flow between ourselves and our modes of Knowing, subsequently also opening to the energy of the world around us. We have flexed our muscles of Knowing. May they continue to grow!

A candle and a key,

Kaycee

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2 Comments

  1. Thank you. I was taught for too long that I was not meant to be here, at all. So when I was four and giving my mother a head rub for her sinus headache, and my mind went into her brain under her skin feeling exactly how everything worked and was put together oh, I learned how to give head massages, but I thought it was just what people did. And when the Ouija board spoke through me instead of the person that it was supposed to speak through, and I fought back something that I didn’t want coming into that room, that space, I thought I was just being fake, making it up. And when I ran with the Dark Rider at the crossroads, I thought I was just imagining it.

    It took me 45 years or more to learn that all of it was true. It took encouragement, and determination from a man who loves me for what I really am.

    And now I’m 70 and tired from multiple surgeries, but I know that that magic is still in me. And I know that I must open myself to it more and more. So thank you very much.

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